#163 - The Buzz Heard Around the World
Motto: I Hate Getting My Hair Cut.
Yesterday was the worst day I've had since Thor died. Let me tell you the story. Let me tell you the story of my haircut. I hate getting my hair cut. I always have. This is for several reasons:
- I have to slouch really low in the chair and it hurts my back.
- I have to small talk for 15 minutes with someone whose usual barrage of smalltalk questions never apply to me (sports this and cars that, seriously).
- I never know what to tell the barber.
- I have to hear a sales pitch for how I should do my hair differently, usually involving expensive hair goo that they would be glad to sell me.
- And, to top it all off, I have to pay for all of my troubles.
Top 5: Candy and Nuts that could have Prevented This20. If I hadn't been in a hurry - but I was. 19. If I had shown her a picture of what I was looking for - but I didn't. 18. If I had said "around an inch on the top" - but I didn't. 17. If I had mentioned anything about "bangs", or "off the ears", or anything else to tip her off that I was picturing something way different from what I told her to do - but I didn't. 16. If I had said "I've got a wedding in a month, I want to set it up for another haircut in a few weeks" - but I didn't. 15. If I had waited to get it cut in a few weeks, when it would have been my last cut before the wedding - but I didn't. 14. If I had gotten this cut a month ago so it could grow out some more - but I didn't. 13. If I had looked up what "3" was on the internet, or asked somebody, just to be sure - but I didn't. 12. If my recollection of what my previous barber had said was off in the OTHER direction - but it wasn't. 11. If I had insisted on facing directly towards the mirror so I could keep a better eye on what she was doing - but I didn't. 10. If she had faced me directly towards the mirror in the first place - but she didn't. 9. If she had phrased the "you want to go a lot shorter" differently... "you want a buzzcut", "you want to take it all off", "you don't want to have to comb it anymore", or said anything other than specifically what she said - but she didn't. 8. If she'd confirmed with me in any other fashion before making the first cuts - but she didn't. 7. If she hadn't been going so fast - but she was. 6. If she had stopped and asked me how it was looking at any point before she made the irreversible cuts to the top of my head - but she didn't. 5. If she had started on the side of my head that wasn't on the complete opposite side of the mirror - but she didn't. 4. If Melissa had said "I'm not sure 2 & 3 are right" - but she didn't. 3. If Melissa, or anybody else had been there - but nobody was. 2. If it hadn't been a new hair place - but it was. 1. If the barber shop WE WENT TO THE DAY BEFORE wasn't CLOSED AT 2PM - but it was.
If ANY ONE of those 20 things HADN'T been the case, I'm sure that this wouldn't have happened. But they all happened... and now I look like an evil henchman from an action movie.
“SHAVE IT OFF AND OWN IT”
- Jon -